Friendship Focus: How six months of dedication can transform your life
A somewhat obvious fact: I wrote my book, We Should Get Together, so I could give people tools to create the friendships and community they're wishing for.
An often overlooked fact: Reading a book isn't enough to change your life — you have to take the things you learn in the book and put them into action.
That's why I love getting letters from readers who've taken the guidance from my book, put it into practice, and keep breaking into a happy dance about their smashing results.
Holly is one of those people. In the first six months of 2024, she chose to make connection a priority, and now she’s surfing a tidal wave of it. Check out her story below! She gave permission for me to share her story with you, to inspire you and show you what's possible. The entire story is even longer — you can view it on her blog here — but here's a shortened version below to supercharge your Take Action Engine. 🚀
Holly’s Story
"For many years I have embraced a word of the year. This year my word of the year is Connection. In late 2023, I listened to a podcast with Kat Vellos as a guest. Kat is the author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. I realized that, as I get older, social connection is going to be even more important in my life. I listened to more podcasts, read more articles about friendship, connection, and loneliness, and, as January 2024 drew near, my word of the year revealed itself. Connection.
Galentines
My first attempt at creating connection was throwing a small Galentine party at my house for a handful of close friends. The theme was a soup tasting party! We had a great time, and I started thinking about my next event."
2-hour Cocktail Party
"About that time, I stumbled upon another book called The 2-Hour Cocktail Party: How to Build Big Relationships with Small Gatherings by Nick Gray. Bought it, loved it, and started planning my first two-hour wine party!
Nick's book has a very specific, easy-to-follow recipe for success. Some of what he suggests, like name tags, ice breakers, calling guests to attention using a harmonica, and a hard two-hour time limit seemed a little weird and scary to implement, but I did them all!
I invited my “core group” of close friends, and widened the net by asking each of my friends to bring a friend, so we had about ten women that I knew, and eight that were new to me. We mixed and mingled, played ice breaker games, and had a very noisy, fun-filled evening. For exactly two hours!"
Sunday Wine Club
“The evening flew by so fast… I only got to talk to each guest for a few minutes, and I wanted to get to know some of these new women better. So I decided to invite a small group to join me for wine at a local winery on a Sunday afternoon.
Seven of us gathered for that first wine day, and I've been repeating it with different combinations of women from the party. I now call it Sunday Wine Club, and am trying to do it every other week.”
Neighbor Friends
"One of the things Kat talks about in her book is having friends that are so close you can walk to their house… neighbor friends. I loved that idea, but wasn't close to my immediate neighbors, so I decided to venture out.
At the time, our community was embroiled in an effort to recall a particular school board member, and I had a recall sign in my front yard. Occasionally I would see other neighbors with recall signs, and I got an idea. I created a little note inviting my neighbors to a gathering at my house, and left it only on the doors of neighbors who had a recall sign. I loved the idea of meeting more like-minded neighbors who felt as strongly about the recall as I did.
I left sixteen notes and heard back from about twelve people (pretty amazing return!). Six were able to attend. None of us knew any of the others, but we spent a couple of hours by my fire pit turning strangers into neighborhood friends!"
Lefty Ladies
"I [also] belong to a Facebook group called Lefty Ladies. It's for progressive women in my local area. I've commented on a few posts, but never met any of the women in person. I decided to post in the group for interest in a party at my house, and from there I created the guest list for my second two-hour party.
I followed the same tried and true Nick Gray format, with name tags and icebreakers. We had thirteen women attend, and once again had a great time! Like before, I am following up the party with regular small wine gatherings at a local winery to get to know some of the women better.
This has been so much fun! It's like a challenging new hobby, finding fun ways to create connection. I am loving meeting so many new people, and I'm already starting to put together the guest list for my third party in August.
I also did my first Third Place Thursday last week [and which will be at the same place each week]. I met three new women who were friends of friends and wanted to get in on the fun. I have another one coming up this week; I want to make it as much of a regular thing as possible.”
Congratulations, Holly!
Thanks Holly, for sharing your story! Congratulations on your amazing success making your word of the year—Connection—more than just a value held in the heart—but a thriving, breathing, living reality.
And to you, gentle reader… what’s your story gonna be?
Do you want the same kind of results as Holly but feel nervous or unsure about how to make it happen on your own? Of course you do, or you wouldn’t be here reading every word on this webpage! So here’s what to do: Register now for Platonic Action Lab™ (aka PAL).
PAL is my bodacious, life-changing program for people who want to cultivate hyperlocal and/or hyperspecific friendships, exactly like Holly did.
I’ll virtually hand your hand through the entire process and walk you through taking action steps every week, so that three months from now, your friendship story will be a lot shinier.
Unless your dream is talking about your dreams, then talking about your dreams doesn't make them come true. That's a line from a poem I wrote in 2001 ;) … It was true back then and it's still true now. Action is the way. Let's do this.
XO,
Kat Vellos, author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships